Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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