Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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