I can text with my tongue
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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