When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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