So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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