he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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