I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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