Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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