He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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