dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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