did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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