That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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