im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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