I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize