You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize