addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize