The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize