My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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