I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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