when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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