i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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