Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize