i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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