last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize