he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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