: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize