we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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