If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize