You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize