My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize