he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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