like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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