i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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