How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize