no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize