We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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