i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize