forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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