Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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