i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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