Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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