he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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