I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize