Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize