I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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