wakey wakey hands off snakey
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize