So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize