Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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