this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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