I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize